Another Rakshabandhan – without any suraksha

 

On the heels of multiple incidents making it clear how LITTLE raksha we have in this “traditional” society of ours, comes our very own "men promising to save women from other men Day"!!!!!

It has been a theme in all societies everywhere that men know what men are like. And while they go out and act like total degenerates to “other” women, they constantly police, restrict, and control “their” women in the name of protection, because “I trust you but I don’t trust men, I know what they want”.  The great Indian festival of Rakhsabandhan – the tie of protection – is but an extension of these age old hypocritical, patriarchal, misogynistic double standards.

So many people ask me whether I am an atheist because I am angry at god – how can I be angry at something I don’t believe even exists? The same lot of people will have a lot to say about my refusal to participate in most Indian festivals and “rituals”, especially the blatantly anti-women ones, with the excuse either of tradition or of reinvention.  They blame any resistance I show to the shameless belittling of women in these “rituals” and “traditions” on my excessive politicalness. And I agree. 

 Everything IS political, or should be. I don’t mean the typical Indian idea of politics, of blind adherence to this party or that, but of a worldview and a belief system, and living one’s life in accordance to those rather than just paying lip service.  We have a long history of very vocal secular and egalitarian “leaders” and others seeking caste match for their children’s weddings, and self-professed “communists” who scream their heads off about communal forces, holding upanayans for their sons and doing aratis in durga puja, while talking about how the “lower castes” are built that way. In short, hypocrisy is inbuilt in our traditions, and a part of our DNA.

So it comes as no surprise to me, or any thinking and rational human being, that some of the most celebrated and popular festivals in our extremely misogynistic society are the ones which either venerate female deities, seek long life and safety for male relatives, or are all about the protective relationship between female and male siblings. And when loved ones, cousins, friends, even random strangers, wish me “happy rakshabandhan”, I have to decide whether I want to engage, explain all the reasons why it is not so happy, or all the ways it demeans and belittles women, and adds to the all-pervasive rape culture, or whether it is just too much effort.

More than the clueless but well-meaning people who “wish” out of genuine love, are the ones who I can only call apologists. People who are into “reinventing” these rotten and stinking traditions, repackaging them, and making a quick buck or a mile or two of social media footage from them. The ones who do mutual karwa chauths and bonphota and …in this case… tie rakhis to sisters or teachers or whatever. If one is going to start a tradition or a festival which venerates or prays for life and health of all genders, all relationships, pick a random day, and more power to you. Why does the “reinvention” have to be on the day of a tradition that is steeped in treating women as less than? 

You want to fast for your spouse's long life and health, do it on a random date… 1^st January of every year, or something. It does not have to happen on a day which has deep roots and connections with the social stigma of widowhood, the conditions of widows, the way we STILL think of and treat them, and so much more. In the same vein… you want to ask for the protection of your sister, and pray for her long life, or treat the rakhi as a way of showing your appreciation for teachers, aunts, others in your life, great! But does it HAVE to be on the same day as this day? This day associated with such “helplessness” of women and need for male protection that a 25 year old sister is still supposed to tie a rakhi asking for the protection of her 5 year old brother! How is that any different from Saudi Arabian laws asking grown women to not leave the house unless accompanied by a male relative, even if he is a toddler?

Also, these reinventions are but a poor attempt to disguise, or distract from, the underlying highly problematic nature of the tradition. And, some of them, make it even more problematic. Being a Bengali for instance, I have long seen rakhi used as an easy way to access someone you are interested in “romantically”. So many married couple I know started as rakhi brother-sister, because that meant being able to come and go as one wanted and meet as much as you wished. Which, as a UP born, I frankly find distasteful. I mean making someone your “brother” so that you can romance them? A bit of eww there somewhere. 

All festivals like rakhi do, is to re-ingrain the traditions of dependence on male relatives, the lack of agency of women, the second class citizen status, and the bedrock of misogyny and rape culture that leads to “isolated incidents” like the R G Kar travesty, and all the incidents that have happened since, and will continue to happen, until we manage to actually change the way we think about and treat half of humanity. Until then, I shall just skip the performance, thanks.