Love is a many-splendoured thing. Isn’t it? Or have I got the wrong end of the stick on that one as well? Everyone I meet, especially online, but offline as well, seems to have a totally different view of love than mine. And the more I hear their version, the more I wonder…if 90% of humanity (or the humanity I have met) sees love one way, and I see it exactly the opposite…which one is right? Or is there even a right?
What is love? Possessiveness? Jealousy? Emotional co-dependence? If it is any of these things, I have never been in love. As a matter of fact, many of my relationships have broken up over the fact that I am singularly un-possessive and un-jealous. A lot of my partners saw my lack of clinging, and burning to a crisp at sight of them talking to other women, as a sign of my lack of love for them. Me? I saw it as a sign of my immense love for them that I trusted them, that I wanted them to have their own lives outside of our life together. But then, like everything else, it’s a matter of opinion.
I come from a long line of strong women. And needless to say…I am strong. I find clingy hothouse flower type women irritating, and would rather die than become one of them. Is that such a problem? YES IT IS if you were to believe some of my men. Apparently, no matter what they say about liking independent women, free women, they still really want the little clinging vine. And that…my friend…I am not gonna be…ever!!! Even when men do “fall for” women like me….or what I seem to be on the surface, its ok for the short term. A smoking, drinking, recreational drug using, partying woman is great as a girlfriend! How cool man, what a lucky dog yo, your GF is such a babe man! Come time to commit, and most Indian men at least turn MCP in a hurry. Out comes the list of the good girls. The little bharatiya naris who will serve their men, bow to the opinion of the lord and master in all things important, and never, never try to assert their own will! Well, best luck I say….but leave me out. I am what I am. If you can’t take the heat buddy get the hell out of the kitchen!
Another wall I keep coming up against is what I call the DEVDAS syndrome. “you can only love once, true love happens only once, etc etc.” Can you fall in love with more than one person in your lifetime? I would answer yes, because I have, but the aforementioned 90% seem to answer with a resounding NO!!! Their ideal lover is Devdas… he died for love…they say…how grand!!!! Let’s examine this character, this paragon of Indian love, shall we? First of all we have a rich kid…spoilt, apparently in love with a little girl who worships the ground he walks upon…so far so good? How does he treat her? Cruel is not even the word…he insults her, hits her, is consistently rude to her…until she is married off. At which point…he gets an attack of “oh my God I’ve lost her!” and proceeds to drink himself into a permanent stupor. In this state, he meets a dancing girl, who, having fallen in love with him, gives up her profession, and devotes her life to looking after him. And what does he do in return, you ask? He insults her, ignores her, and pines after the first girl and finally drinks himself to death….. THIS IS LOVE?????
Even if you accept the premise that he died for love… and I don’t for a minute accept that….he is still not my idea of a good lover. Real love…the way I see it…is not about dying for someone…it’s about living with someone. It’s about loving them enough to deal with the daily small irritants, waking up every morning next to them and saying “I will make today work,” of being nice when all you really want to do is slap them silly, of putting hard work and a solid emotional investment into making a life together. THAT’S LOVE, or something like it.
What is love? Possessiveness? Jealousy? Emotional co-dependence? If it is any of these things, I have never been in love. As a matter of fact, many of my relationships have broken up over the fact that I am singularly un-possessive and un-jealous. A lot of my partners saw my lack of clinging, and burning to a crisp at sight of them talking to other women, as a sign of my lack of love for them. Me? I saw it as a sign of my immense love for them that I trusted them, that I wanted them to have their own lives outside of our life together. But then, like everything else, it’s a matter of opinion.
I come from a long line of strong women. And needless to say…I am strong. I find clingy hothouse flower type women irritating, and would rather die than become one of them. Is that such a problem? YES IT IS if you were to believe some of my men. Apparently, no matter what they say about liking independent women, free women, they still really want the little clinging vine. And that…my friend…I am not gonna be…ever!!! Even when men do “fall for” women like me….or what I seem to be on the surface, its ok for the short term. A smoking, drinking, recreational drug using, partying woman is great as a girlfriend! How cool man, what a lucky dog yo, your GF is such a babe man! Come time to commit, and most Indian men at least turn MCP in a hurry. Out comes the list of the good girls. The little bharatiya naris who will serve their men, bow to the opinion of the lord and master in all things important, and never, never try to assert their own will! Well, best luck I say….but leave me out. I am what I am. If you can’t take the heat buddy get the hell out of the kitchen!
Another wall I keep coming up against is what I call the DEVDAS syndrome. “you can only love once, true love happens only once, etc etc.” Can you fall in love with more than one person in your lifetime? I would answer yes, because I have, but the aforementioned 90% seem to answer with a resounding NO!!! Their ideal lover is Devdas… he died for love…they say…how grand!!!! Let’s examine this character, this paragon of Indian love, shall we? First of all we have a rich kid…spoilt, apparently in love with a little girl who worships the ground he walks upon…so far so good? How does he treat her? Cruel is not even the word…he insults her, hits her, is consistently rude to her…until she is married off. At which point…he gets an attack of “oh my God I’ve lost her!” and proceeds to drink himself into a permanent stupor. In this state, he meets a dancing girl, who, having fallen in love with him, gives up her profession, and devotes her life to looking after him. And what does he do in return, you ask? He insults her, ignores her, and pines after the first girl and finally drinks himself to death….. THIS IS LOVE?????
Even if you accept the premise that he died for love… and I don’t for a minute accept that….he is still not my idea of a good lover. Real love…the way I see it…is not about dying for someone…it’s about living with someone. It’s about loving them enough to deal with the daily small irritants, waking up every morning next to them and saying “I will make today work,” of being nice when all you really want to do is slap them silly, of putting hard work and a solid emotional investment into making a life together. THAT’S LOVE, or something like it.
//Real love…the way I see it…is not about dying for someone…it’s about living with someone. It’s about loving them enough to deal with the daily small irritants, waking up every morning next to them and saying “I will make today work,”//
ReplyDeleteWell said!