Some old Videos

 Some old videos of yours truly... talking about gender issues, 377, and more

BOUNDARIES AND BEYOND

 Delhi High Court reads down Section 377 of the IPC, decriminalising same sex activity amongst consenting adults – 2009

 

Supreme Court sets aside the Delhi High Court verdict decriminalising 377, effectively “re-criminalising” same sex activity – 2013

 

Supreme Court “finally” decriminalises 377 – 2018

 

Transgender Protection Bill (however controversial) becomes law - 2019

 

Supreme Court hears PILs on Marriage Equality – 2023

 

First Kink Convention in India is held in Goa – April 2023

 

This is an unprecedented time in our country, newly awakening to the concept of equal rights for gender/sexual minorities, and probably the ideal time to talk about a project like “BEYOND BOUNDARIES” which examines and documents the many faces of the Gay Fetish culture.

 

It is a fact well known to kinksters of all shades, straight or gay, and whatever they might be into, that the support the women’s movement has earned over time, for example, or the growing support for the LGBTQIA+ movement over the last few decades in the country, most definitely does not extend to the kink/fetish/BDSM community. More than ever the new inheritors of “the love that dare not speak its name”, the members of this community still inhabit shadows and peripheries, even in the already peripheral and marginal communities of the sexual/gender minorities.

 

Demonised worldwide, in spite of – or maybe partly because of – the immense popularity of “mommy porn” like 50 Shades of Grey which gets kink completely wrong, too often these proclivities and activities are confused and categorised as abuse, and kinksters seen as deviant and abnormal (something sexual/gender minorities are all too familiar with). 

 

This is exactly the reason why projects like BEYOND BOUNDARIES are so significant. As the site says, BEYOND BOUNDARIES is a powerful exploration of the gay fetish culture, through over 70 stunning portraits that challenge societal ideas of normal and natural and push the boundaries of what is considered acceptable by the general public. Society, as our long history has taught us, fears and “others” what it does not understand. This fear and othering has been the cause of a lot of historical discrimination, exclusion, and hate towards marginalized groups based on race, colour, gender, sexuality, and more.

 

One of the most powerful ways that the othering of people has been perpetrated over the centuries has been through over-sexualisation. “We” are the ones who are normal, believe in love, are cultured and controlled and all about building relationships based on affection and loyalty, while the others, “they”, are the wild, animalistic, uncontrolled, oversexed, uncivilised influences who will destroy human civilisation and culture. Whether it is the white man’s narrative against BIPOC, the image of the “dangerous native/wild tribal” one must protect “our women” from, or the more recent warnings against wilful, feminist women, or queer people, this image of us = love versus them = only sex seems to have worked well to maintain many a status quo.

 

It has been used, as recently as last week, in the Supreme Court in India, to try to block access of LGBTQ+ people to civil rights and justice in the form of the right to marry partners of their choice, regardless of gender. One of the most often used “whataboutery” excuses given against queer/gay/lesbian people having marriage equality or decriminalisation has always been – what about incest then? And bestiality? Clearly, the LGBTQ+ community is viewed as simply a collection of bodies which are seeking other bodies FOR SEX, minus the humanity of two (or more – but that’s a whole other debate) people falling in love and seeking commitment and companionship just like most other humans do. This dehumanising tool has always been quite effective since it reaches somewhere deep into our collective lizard brains and taps into the species memory/fear of a lawless, pre-civilisation life where everyone was forced to fend for themselves.

 

It is not difficult to imagine how much worse this dehumanising is, because it is that much more effective, in the case of people who self professedly enjoy activities leading to things that most people fear (and maybe secretly desire?) – such as pain, humiliation, helplessness, loss of control, and more. Never mind strict rules of consent, never mind mutual agreement, anyone seeking to “hurt” someone else or to “be hurt” just HAS to be abnormal and deviant, says the common imagination. Never mind people who spend inordinate amounts of money on shoes, cars, watches, and collectibles, anyone professing to be attracted to or turned on by a particular “item” just HAS to be weird! It is so much easier, then, to think of these people as less than, or separate from.

 

The re-ordinarying – if one might coin a term – of these communities, the representations and explorations that re-examine demonised and marginalised identities and find the ways in which they are mostly or quite a bit like us, rather than some kind of alien creatures, is a very important and integral part of the ongoing fight for rights and equality for all. Not, as some activists claim, to servilely “fit in” and beg for rights, but to remove the fear, the horror, through a simple realisation of a shared human-ness, if that is possible, and to incite curiosity, eventually leading to understanding/acceptance, maybe, about a culture and lifestyle that is new to you. As Rudra says, “The first thing that comes to mind after viewing this, is the fact that the diversity of the fetish culture needs to be explored with a few examples of how and why a certain fetish has become part of this culture. For example, cosplay, military and uniform fetish, leather or latex etc. Each of these fetish categories have a history and delving into a few of them will be interesting.”

 

Other Indian kinksters also chipped in with comments. Rahul appreciates the art, finds the images wonderful and evocative, but has not much to say about the overall significance of the project. He just thinks it is important to have more work of this sort.

 

ToB feels that the images, one after another, look somewhat like a fashion show, or a fancy dress event, where people have dressed up in costumes. The fact that there is usually only one person per photograph makes it “fashion show” like for him. IT would have been more dynamic and sensual for him if there were more than one person in a frame and some kind of “action”. He also wonders if the team has any plans of working with nudes in the future and how they are planning to handle the fine line between art and porn.

 

Sam says “projects like this one is something which is needed to diversify representation. In India kink is such a big taboo that it is mostly mistaken for assault and as far as I can recall hasn't been considered non sexual. So displaying something which I like and would want to showcase can be a way of opening up as well. It can be a form of awareness too.”

 

Shankar had several points to make. He was surprised by the complete absence of Asian men, while he also wondered why the current project seems to be representing only able bodied and younger men, even though people who cannot get gratification 'normally(?)' are more likely to indulge in something that gets labelled as a Fetish. There also seems to be an absence of improvised/self-made gears, gadgets and consumables? (Think impact or sensory deprivation plays where a lot of the 'tools' are often custom/self-made. He also wonders if the project is making conscious efforts to avoid the binarization of the world into kinky and vanilla, (or fetish and non fetish) instead of defining fetish as a spectrum, where the level of weirdness, risk, ability, displayability are multiple continuous planes that converge.

XylemPhloem says that “in the Indian context , people generally view the Gay  community through a singular prism. But the truth is it's an incredibly diverse community. It is much more vibrant than the rainbow.  Our cultural, political leanings, expressions of our sexuality everything is different. Hence it would be great if this can be documented in such art projects, so that these voiceless , faceless lives long after they turn ashes  may someday provide the evidence , that they were also there, silent , ostracised”.

 

Kinkster Dead Fox says that the “subject is great and maybe has a lot of scope in the west ....but we have to think of it in the Indian perspective.... here LGBT community is still stuck fighting for their basic rights.... photography on kinky subjects is light-years away.... Being a straight kinky myself...here in India unfortunately it's a taboo subject though we are fortunate to born in a land which has an evident history of erotica in culture and religion... our history is the only one where there is a mention of transgender, homosexual apart from other straight sexual fetishes which are now marked taboo by modern culture vultures

 

As the site states, “Photography has always been a powerful medium for showcasing diverse perspectives, experiences, and identities.” What better way to capture the diversity of human identities and cultures and break down the stigma and misconceptions surrounding them. One of the key messages of "BEYOND BOUNDARIES" is that gay fetish culture is not just about sex, but is also a way of exploring and expressing one's identity and desires. Something that kinksters all over the world, (in India as well – through groups like The Kinky Collective), are struggling to get across to non-practitioners. The project also helps to challenge the notion that fetish/kink is something to be ashamed of or hidden away and encourages people to embrace their true selves and celebrate the unique beauty of each individual. Projects like these are valuable tools to foster the ongoing conversations – worldwide – about identity and inclusivity.

Of Testy Cooking Oils and Drink Driving

 The radio jingle blares in my ear, informing me that Emami cooking Oils are heldi and testy. The great Indian English is made SO MUCH worse by the horrid Bengali mispronunciation. This has been a pet peeve for a long time, and it continues to set my teeth on edge. The heldi I can sort of ignore with a giggle and a smirk, but I keep getting tripped up by the testy oils. What, I wonder does a testy (khitkhite) oil sound like? Like, every time you reach for the bottle, to start cooking your favourite dish, does the oil go “what the hell do you want now, eh? More of me? Eh eh? Butter and ghee not enough for you? What is it with you people?” etc etc.

The very next ad to come up is about “drink driving”. He was caught frink driving and charged a fine of five thousand rupees. All the while, I am wondering what “drink driving” is. Driving alcohol trucks? Taking barrels of drink from one place to another?

Another favourite of mine used to be the ad for some kind of wall/home waterproofing product which promised to make your home dump proof (damp proof), lick proof (leak proof), etc.

Then there is the retirement home near my place called “the piss” (as written in bangla, using the smaller I symbol/matra) as opposed to the peace. Or my ex student, who at a job interview, told the panel his favourite hobby was slipping.  (that last one is wrong on so many levels, never mind the horrible pronunciation, WHY would you tell a potential employer that your fav thing to do in the world was sleeping?).

This is an old problem with Bengalis…. Sheet/shit, sleep/slip, keep/kip, heart/hurt … there is no difference in the way they pronounce it, and hence are perpetually messing up the way they transcribe it in Bangla and spell it in English.

And then, of course, are the universal and ubiquitous errors like “mas edje” – not message (which is what they mean), not massage (which they cannot pronounce at all) but some weird hodge podge bastardisation that EVERY ONE seems to use!

and they seem quite happy with the way it is…. Making no effort to correct these errors or learn the correct pronunciation, usage or spelling!

Of petrichor, downpours, and moods

 

 
A line from a popular Bangla song goes “mon kharap kora bikel manei megh koreche” (an overcast evening means moods are low).  That’s something my father always felt resonance with.

My father, like millions of others around the world, had Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). What that meant, to him, was that he would feel depressed, low energy, and overall malaise whenever the skies clouded over, the sun hid its bright face, and showers began. I’m glad he lived most of his life in a tropical country, not one of the Nordic lands with months of half-light and weeks of snow at a time.

I, on the contrary, exist on the other end of the spectrum. Nothing smells better to me than petrichor – that first whiff of the monsoons, carried on the wings of drops pattering down on the dry, parched earth after a long and almost unbearable Indian summer. Nothing feels better to me than a moisture-laden breeze, a harbinger of downpours to come soon. And when the showers finally begin, I get so inordinately happy, so ecstatic, that one could be forgiven for believing I was a peacock in some previous life, spreading incredibly coloured plumage and dancing a welcome for the supreme relief of the monsoons.

And though it might, in some way, connect to my physical and emotional problems with heat and sunlight; it is not just post-summer monsoon that makes me happy. Any rain, anywhere, at any time, is good for an instant mood lift. Even in the Pelican Valley, at Yellowstone National Park, Wyoming, USA, even in sub-zero temperatures, rain – while freezing my nose and toes off – just makes me laugh out loud and want to dance like a maniac!

for someone who is most comfortable at 2-10 degrees Celsius, warm clothes are generally things that happen to other people...especially in Kolkata. I miss Dehradun mainly for the cold. But this! This was a bit much even for me! Minus 12 degrees and a bone-chilling wind that just cut through woolens! this is me in 7 layers, 5 of which are winter clothes! 2 sets of socks, 2 caps, and a hoodie!..... whoooo!

— at Pelican Valley Yellowstone

Monsoon should be over by now, in Kolkata, but this much-disliked city of mine has given me a very pleasant surprise today. I woke up to overcast, cloud-laden skies, lovely cool breezes, and an almost constant rain – now heavy, now a drizzle. Needless to say, my inner peacock is totally thrilled!

My Pieces in Varta

 Here are the articles and pieces that have appeared in Varta Magazine, so far

Why I Am Not A Switch - An Exploration of Some Aspects of Kink

book review - Probaho - A Piece of Queer Fiction

book review - Amar Bhitor Bahire - A Queer Memoir

Challenges in meeting queer community needs during the COVID-19 pandemic

Cafe Review - Zoom-Tea-O-Graphy - A Queer Friendly Cafe in Kolkata

Aaa Janejaan - An Examination of Portrayals of Female Desire in Popular Bollywood Songs 

Logging Out of Toxic Relationships - Toxicity in Queer Relationships

Transgender rights in South Asia: Trends, crises and opportunities

All the world’s a stage, and an act - A Piece About a Short Film That Sees Gender Differently

For that mental connect over cake and coffee - Review of Crust & Core - A Kolkata Cafe Staffed by Women With/recovering from Psychosocial Disabilities

Symposium on Queering Mental Health - A Report

To school, with fear . . . of confessions! - Regarding the Kamala Girls' School, Kolkata Lesbian Incident